The Devil on the Mountaintop
by Wolfie-Dragon
Summary: Medieval AU one-shot. Hiccup is part of a small mercenary company. He fights to survive, even though he hates killing. So he's eager when a letter brings them to the village of Berk to root out the monstrous demon on the nearby mountain. The monster jobs are easy, they're always just big animals. He's both right and wrong. This one is a big animal, but that doesn't make it easy.
1. The Devil on the Mountaintop

**A/N: I recently watched the fantasy documentary The Last Dragon: A Fantasy Made Real. It's a fictional science docu supposing that dragons really existed, but the last dragon was killed by knights and mercenaries in the Middle Ages, and it inspired me to write this.**

 **Rated T for death and gore.**

* * *

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."

They were words Hiccup had uttered many times before. It was the traditional start of confession, and he had confessed many times since leaving his small village and the old gods behind. Crime and sin were unavoidable parts of the life of a mercenary. But now the words felt hollow. He didn't really believe in God anymore. He didn't believe in the Devil either.

Maybe it was the fact that this would be his last confession that made it feel so important, and yet so pointless.

The priest in the other booth remained silent, letting him confess at his own pace. It reassured Hiccup a little, thankful that he wasn't rushed through the procedure. He still had a little while before the end.

"I… I have… aided a devil. I have allowed a demon to possess me. I have endangered the lives of my fellow man, and stole their livelihood, to help a demon," Hiccup said, quickly rattling off the crimes they accused him off. But he wasn't sincere. He knew that the creature on the mountaintop wasn't a demon.

"Why did you do this, my son? Tell me from the start," the priest said in a creaky voice, revealing the speaker's old age. Hiccup was surprised by the question, he thought everyone in the village knew what he had done. Or at least, the villagers knew what the lord had told them. Maybe the priest wanted to know his side of the tale?

He remained silent for a few seconds, wondering if he would end up in even more trouble if he told the priest what he had seen. In the end, Hiccup figured he didn't have anything to lose. And even though he doubted that God was really listening, it couldn't hurt to confess anyway.

At the very least, it would give him more time before he had to leave the church and face what awaited him outside.

"I am not from here. I am from the far north. But I am banished from my village, never to return," he started, trying not to think back on the events that lead him away from home. He had confessed to those sins long ago, that wasn't relevant right now.

"To survive, I joined a company of mercenaries. Even though I don't like to fight. I… I have killed my fellow men. I have tried to avoid bloodshed where I could, but… sometimes it was unavoidable," he slowly said, images of bloodstained swords, of dead faces and crying children flashing before his eyes. Oddly enough, the images were still not as bad as the memory currently haunting him.

"That is a wise course, my son. What brought you to Berk?" the priest asked kindly, and Hiccup felt a little better. In the dark booth, he was safe to tell his story. No one to accuse him of devil worship here. Somehow, he knew the priest would listen to his tale before judging him.

"My company was hired by the townsfolk of Berk. In a letter they told us that their peaceful farming lives were disturbed by a… devil, living on the nearby mountain. A giant winged creature that stole their sheep and rained down fire from above. The letter further explained that the lord of Berk, Dagur the Cruel, went up the mountain with his squire to drive out the beast, but they never returned. The… creature continued to steal livestock, so the villagers wanted… professionals to deal with the problem," Hiccup explained, even though he knew the priest knew all of this. He must have written the letter asking for their employment. But it still felt good to tell his tale.

"So we came. I was eager for this assignment. It seemed more… peaceful. Not another war where we would have to kill our fellow men. Just… rooting out a creature," He said, not mentioning the other assignments of this type he had had. The missions where they were hired by superstitious folk to root out a witch or deal with a werewolf were easy. Hiccup had never actually encountered a magical creature. They were always just flukes. The werewolves were overgrown bears, the witches just old women accused of causing the harvest to fail.

He had expected the same to happen here in Berk. They would probably just find a mountain lion roving the area, and the lord had probably frozen to death. If he had known what he would find, would he still have gone on this mission? He probably would, even knowing the end.

"So we came to Berk, and we saw the marks of fire in the fields and we found claw marks on the barns. An enormous creature had made these. A creature we had only heard legends and vague tales of. A dragon. We were scared. But we pressed on anyway, and climbed the mountain," Hiccup continued, shivering when he recalled the horrible journey to the top. It was the highest mountain he had ever seen, standing lonely amid a sea of forest and farmlands. It was winter, and the mountain was covered in snow and ice.

His companions had talked nonstop on their climb, trying to mask their fear with brave talk. Snotlout had talked about the armor he would have made from the dragon's hide, while Astrid hoped she would get another scar to add to her large collection. The twins, Ruffnut and Tuffnut were eager to see the dragon's fire in action. All the while, Fishlegs couldn't stop talking about studying the 'devil' and learning its secrets.

None of those were their real names, of course. It was part of joining the Hooligan mercenary company. You left your past, your crimes, and your name behind. Hiccup wasn't his real name either. But it had been so long he had almost forgotten what name his father had given him. They didn't talk of what had brought them there. He suspected Fishlegs was a monk who fled from the monastery after committing a terrible crime, and the twins once mentioned a horrible fire they had started. That was all he knew. And all they knew about him was that he was banished from his home. For what, he didn't tell. It didn't matter.

"When we reached the top, we found traces of blood and wool. The sheep had been brought there, and we followed the tracks to a nearby cave," he spoke. Inside the cave, it had been warm. Warmer than it should be on such a high mountain in the middle of winter. Slowly, they entered the wide tunnels, trembling when they saw more claw marks on the walls.

"Inside, we found… we found the bodies of Lord Dagur and his squire, Savage. Dagur's body was mostly burned, but we could see his face was covered in dragon blood. Clear lines that he must have painted there himself as a trophy. The lord wasn't simply burned, he was also crushed. It appeared that a large creature had bitten down on him, and enormous teeth had broken off and were sticking out of the heavy armor," Hiccup continued to explain, shivering when he recalled the images of the lord's burned and mangled body. Whoever had killed him, the creature must have been furious.

"We walked further into the cave and not long after we found the source of the dragon blood on Dagur's face. There was the body of a small… black, winged creature. A dragon. It had been stabbed repeatedly, but we could tell that even after its death, the body had been… mutilated. Someone, I suspect the lord, had tried to cut the creature's head off, and when that failed, tried to remove the skull from the rest of the head. The sight was… gruesome. I didn't say it out loud, but I felt sorry for the dragon. It had been too small to defend itself from its attackers, and even in death it wasn't safe."

The priest remained silent, and Hiccup felt a little safer now that the holy man hadn't cursed him for feeling pity for a 'demon'.

"We examined… what remained of the creature, and noticed its teeth were intact. But Lord Dagur's armor was riddled with broken teeth, so something else killed him. That was when we heard a growl," Hiccup said, taking a deep breath before continuing.

"We looked around to see a… huge dragon in the cave opening. It looked… it wasn't angry. Not at first. In fact, it looked… curious. Only when it saw us touching its… I think the big dragon must have been the father of the little dragon. So only when it saw us touching the defiled body of his child did the dragon become hostile."

"Then everything went very quickly. Astrid charged, leading the attack as always. The others followed close behind. I stayed in the back to use my crossbow. But Astrid didn't even have a chance to attack it. Moments before she reached him, the dragon… leaped. He spread his wings as best he could in the narrow cave and… glided over us. I jumped out of the way and hid behind a large rock. I had to wait for the others to engage the dragon before I could use my crossbow," he explained, trying to remember the fight as best he could. The priest made a curious noise, urging him to continue.

"My companions turned around when the dragon flew over them, but before they could charge, the dragon… breathed fire down the tunnel. My companions jumped out of the way just in time, taking cover in a bend in the tunnel. But… the heat must have been too much for the ice to bear. Before any of us could move, the tunnel collapsed." Hiccup said, remembering the horrific cracking sound when the ceiling tore apart and covered the tunnel, and the dragon, with ice and rock.

"So you were trapped inside with the dragon? What of your companions?" the priest asked, and Hiccup took a deep breath, knowing this was the moment of truth.

"Yes. I was trapped inside. My companions were okay, but they were separated from me by an almost impenetrable amount of rock and ice. We couldn't communicate anymore. But… the tunnel wasn't the only thing that collapsed. The room we were in mostly collapsed as well, with large rocks falling on top of the dragon. For a long moment there was silence, and I thought the creature was dead. I left my hiding spot and slowly stalked over to the dragon with my knife," Hiccup explained, knowing what he was going to say next would be the most important part of the tale.

"When I reached the all but buried body of the creature, I saw it wasn't dead. It was still alive, and his head was lying right next to the little dragon. When he saw me, I expected to see fury. I expected to see… evil. I expected to see… a devil. But… But there was no devil there. It looked back and forth between me and his child, and all I saw was pain. I raised my knife, preparing myself to stab the creature and be done with it. But… I couldn't," he slowly said, sure that the priest would curse him for letting the dragon live.

Hiccup had been called 'devil' many times in his travels. It was the first thing people thought of when they heard he was a Norseman. They knew the tales of Vikings looting and burning monasteries, and only devils would attack holy places. Even though those days of raiding and looting were centuries ago, the association haunted Hiccup wherever he went. And now, for the very first time, he met another creature like him. A creature that was called 'devil' by everyone who saw him, even though he had done nothing more than defend his home and feed his child.

Hiccup had looked at him, and seen himself. Memories had flooded his mind, of home, of the family he once had, and how it was all taken away from him. He remembered the fury that had filled him at the injustice. He remembered the shame he felt when he had taken his revenge.

He wondered if the dragon felt the same way.

Miraculously, the priest remained silent instead of becoming angry, and Hiccup continued his tale.

"I couldn't kill a creature that hurt and tormented. It… It wasn't an evil demon. It was just an animal trying to survive. So I… I dropped my knife and started lifting the rocks from his body. I saw the surprise in his eyes, and by the time I removed the last rock, he seemed… curious. He didn't want to attack me, and I didn't want to attack him. He was wounded. A wing was broken, and his tail fin was all but torn off. And… And I knew that it wouldn't survive on its own. So I made a decision. I decided that enough blood had been spilled, and that I wouldn't allow anyone else to die because of the… accusations that this creature was a devil."

The priest still didn't speak, and Hiccup wished the man would say something. Did he think he was a fool? Did he believe the creature was a devil, or did he believe Hiccup?

He didn't dare to ask.

"The others were digging through the rubble, and I knew it was only a matter of time before they'd reach us. And I doubted they would feel the way I did. So… I did what I could. I think it took at least an hour before the dragon let me touch him, and another hour before he allowed me to treat his injuries. I put a brace on the wing, bound a bleeding wound on the dragon's side, but I couldn't save the tail fin. I had to cut it off."

Hiccup had to pause for a moment before he could continue his tale, overwhelmed by the shame that he had caused the creature so much pain, and suddenly the priest spoke up.

"Taking care of wounded creatures, especially your former enemies, is… commendable, my son. How did you hide the dragon from your companions?" the old man asked, and Hiccup forced himself to focus.

"I… I don't know how he understood me, or why he trusted me, but the dragon allowed himself to be led to a different room. There was a whole network of tunnels, the place was huge. So I… somehow convinced him to hide deep in the maze and keep quiet. I promised him I would come back and help him. I'd bring him food and medicine, and… I think he believed me. Or maybe he had just given up on fighting. I don't know. But… for some reason I couldn't let him starve," Hiccup explained, frowning when the priest only responded with a short "I see,".

"I'm the smallest of my group. So I waited until my companions had cleared a hole just big enough for me to crawl through, but not big enough for them to use. Once I reached them, I told them the dragon was dead. It was crushed by the rubble. And I… told them there was no point in digging further. I suppose they were tired and weary, so they didn't protest much. So we left the cave and descended the mountain again, our task complete. The dragon would not steal anymore livestock. But… But that didn't mean I wouldn't," he said, certain the priest knew the rest of the tale. The part where he had failed.

"When we returned to the village, the new lord was there. Alvin, some cousin of Dagur, I think. We told him what had happened to Lord Dagur, and I told him the dragon was dead. We got paid, and there was nothing left for us in Berk. But… I couldn't leave yet. I couldn't leave the dragon behind. So I convinced the others to stay at the inn for the night, and not leave until the next day. I was trying to buy time, maybe I could convince Fishlegs to let the dragon live, and then the others might be persuaded as well," he said, seeing the priest nod behind the small holes in the wall.

"That night, I sneaked out of the room and went up to the farms. I… I stole a sheep, leading it out of the field and up the mountain. It took a long time to get it up there," Hiccup explained, feeling ashamed of the theft. Ashamed that he hadn't considered that a sheep might struggle and try to run when being led up a snowy mountain in a blizzard.

"Somehow I managed to get it up the mountain, and I found that the dragon had managed to widen the opening a little. So I dragged the sheep inside, and… fed it to the dragon. He was so… happy with it, even though he could barely eat it because most of his teeth were gone from gnawing on Lord Dagur's armor. And again I felt, still feel, that this creature couldn't be a devil. How could a devil be so happy or grateful?" he asked, hoping the priest would understand.

Hiccup truly didn't understand how a toothless father animal could be a devil. He couldn't explain why, but he felt pity for the creature. The baby dragon hadn't deserved to be mutilated by Dagur. And the father hadn't deserved it to have to see that. He hadn't deserved to get his wing broken or his fin cut off. All he had done was try to keep his family safe.

Hiccup had named the creature 'Toothless'. A devil couldn't be toothless.

"And that was when you were arrested?" the priest asked, and Hiccup nodded.

He had promised Toothless that he would be back as soon as possible with more food, and a way to treat the tail wound. But he had barely set two steps outside the cave when he was jumped. He immediately drew his knife and managed to cut the attacker's face, but a moment later he was disarmed and on the ground. That was when he recognizing his assailant.

"Astrid had followed me. She knew. Of course she knew. She's very perceptive. She must have noticed me leave the inn. Or maybe she knew before that. Maybe she saw right through my lie, and knew the dragon was alive before we even left the cave," he said, noticing he was rambling. But facing Astrid on that snowy mountaintop was a big shock.

" _What_ _do you think_ _you_ _'re_ _doing?"_ she had asked, and he didn't have a good answer. He had tried to explain that the dragon was harmless, that it wouldn't hurt anybody ever again.

It was pointless. _"It's our job to kill it, Hiccup!"_ Astrid had yelled. He could hear the hurt in her voice. "If you can't do it, then let us handle it. Heck, I'll deal with it and nobody has to know. And then we can go down this mountain and pretend none of this happened," she had offered. Maybe he should have accepted the deal she offered. It had been a chance to cover it up. To revoke his mistake. But he had refused. He had kept telling her she was wrong, that Toothless wasn't a devil. In the end, she came to a different decision.

"Astrid tied me up in tight ropes. No way for me to escape. Then she left me there. In the snow, for hours. I thought she had left me to die. But by midday, she returned. But she wasn't alone. She had brought Lord Alvin and the other mercenaries. The farmer whose sheep I had stolen was there as well. They all knew. Then, Astrid made me lead them through the cave to the dragon," he said, not wanting to think about what happened next. But he had to finish the confession.

Toothless had been so happy when he saw Hiccup. But when the others entered the room as well, his eyes filled with… pain and hurt. Astrid had told him she was sorry, but that he needed to grow up. He had to understand that this behavior was unacceptable.

"They… They made me watch. They forced me to watch as Astrid charged the dragon with her battleaxe. The others were close behind. The dragon tried to fight them off, but he was wounded and out of fire, and he… They killed him. They killed him and skinned him and cut his heart out and Alvin took the head as a trophy," he exclaimed, trying to keep his breathing level as the horrible images flooded his mind.

"And now you're here," the priest said calmly, and Hiccup wanted to scream. How could the man be so calm when he had just heard of such injustice? But he suppressed his anger, and took a deep breath.

"After… After they were done, we… we went down the mountain again. Alvin insisted I would be bound, to Astrid's protests. She caved in eventually. So the twins carried me while Astrid kept watch," he related, shaking his head when he recalled that last journey down.

The others were talking… excitedly about what they had done. Snotlout was carrying a big strip of dragonhide to take to the nearest armorer, the twins were talking about how awesome the fire had been, and Fishlegs was rambling about the new knowledge on demons he had obtained from this trip. Only Astrid had remained silent, looking at him with a hurt expression, and Hiccup knew that for once, she wasn't happy with a new scar.

The cut across her face was caused by someone who she considered to be her friend. Her family, in a way. Sometimes Hiccup dared to hope she felt even more for him. He had always liked her, though he never dared to tell. And now he had hurt her. He had broken his promise that no one would get hurt anymore.

"When we reached Berk again, I was thrown in Alvin's dungeon. I'm not sure what happened outside during that time. I think Astrid tried to get Alvin to release me. I like to think she didn't want this to happen to me. She probably hoped we could leave Berk together, and that soon things would be back to normal. But… it can't be that way. This morning, I was taken out and brought here. I know what will happen to me when I leave. But… where will I go, father?" Hiccup asked, hoping against hope the priest would forgive him.

The priest was silent for a long time, but just before Hiccup opened his mouth to repeat the question, he started to speak.

"I think you did the right thing. Or at least, I think you did the right thing from your point of view. I still believe the creature was a devil. But… Satan is powerful, and he can make good men do bad things by convincing them they're doing good. Your sins are absolved. But… Although God can forgive you, I cannot convince the men outside to do so," the holy man said, and Hiccup nodded. He had accepted that what was coming was inevitable.

"Thank you, father. For… For listening," Hiccup said, before standing up and leaving the booth. Outside, two guards waited for him. They roughly grabbed his arms and led him to the church's doors.

The doors opened, and Hiccup was momentarily blinded when the bright sun shone in his eyes. Shouts and insults reached his ears, and when his eyes adjusted he saw nearly the entire village standing outside, surrounding the center of the square. Astrid was standing to the side, looking closer to tears than Hiccup had ever seen her. He felt more shame when he saw the new scar on her face.

He tried to smile at Astrid, and tell her without words that it would be okay, but the smile fell when he looked ahead and saw the execution block in the middle of the square. Lord Alvin stood next to it, holding a large sword. Hiccup walked forward slowly, and laid his chest on the block.

"Burn in hell!"

"Go back to your devil master!"

"Thief! Heathen!"

More and more things were yelled at him, but when Alvin raised his sword, all sound was suddenly muted. The only thing his ears registered was the whoosh of the sword splitting the air.

And in his last moment, he hoped the priest was wrong. He hoped God hadn't forgiven him. He hoped he would be sent to hell, because he knew the Devil of the Mountaintop would be there to greet him.


	2. And So It Goes

**Since several people asked for Hiccup's origin story, and because I'm getting more interested in this AU as well, here's a sort of... prequel, to the previous story, I suppose. I hope you like it!**

 **Note: This story contains mentions of rape.**

* * *

Hiccup stumbled when he recognized the massive tree at the crossroads. He knew that tree. He had climbed it countless times when he was a kid, and when he reached the top he could see the entire village.

His home village.

The village he was banished from.

A hamlet so small it barely had a name. In other villages they called it Dragon's Edge, from the vague legends of dragons that lived there long ago. But the locals just called it 'the village'.

Hiccup suddenly recognized the road, and the hills in the distance. How silly, that a tree caused him to make the connection. But now it all came flooding back. He had climbed the tree again as an adult. Not to enjoy the view, but for a more sinister goal. He had been a fool, consumed by rage.

"Uh, is our next assignment in this village?" he asked as he scrambled back to his feet, hoping the others wouldn't notice his nervousness. Astrid looked at him oddly, but the other didn't seem fazed.

"I think so! The local lord wants us to escort a caravan to Southport," Fishlegs piped up, grabbing a letter from his pouch. "How did you know?" he asked after a moment of thought.

"Uhm… Uhm…" Hiccup said, trying to think of a way out of this. There was no way he could meet with the lord.

"I… I know this area. I… I grew up here," he eventually said, hoping they wouldn't ask further. Fishlegs' expression became excited, while Astrid's face narrowed.

"Ooh, then you must know where the castle is! Can you lead us there? This map isn't very good," Fishlegs asked, and Hiccup froze.

"That's… really not a good idea. Let's just say I'm not exactly welcome at the castle. But it's down that road. The village of Dragon's Edge is in that direction," Hiccup pointed at the branching paths on either side of the big tree. He desperately hoped they wouldn't ask why he wasn't welcome.

Thankfully, the others seemed to understand, and simply nodded. It was _the_ unspoken rule of the Hooligan mercenary company. You don't ask about each others past.

"Okay, then maybe you should stay behind here and we'll meet with the lord. We can meet up again outside the castle," Fishlegs said, but before Hiccup could respond, Astrid spoke up.

"I think it would be better if someone stays with Hiccup. It might be dangerous if he's alone in… territory where he is unwanted. I'll stay with him, and we can get supplies at the village while you meet with the lord," she said, and Hiccup blushed. Both from the embarrassment that he needed an escort, and from the surprise that Astrid volunteered.

Over the past few months he had grown closer with her than with anyone else in their group. He had tried to resist, but he found that he was slowly falling in love with her. And sometimes he thought she might return the feelings. But he didn't hope for it. The love felt wrong. It was a betrayal. He had promised he wouldn't love another woman ever again.

"I can stay behind as well! I could carry the supplies for you, Astrid," Snotlout said with a disgusting grin, and Astrid's expression tightened.

"We'll be fine, Snotlout. You should go to the lord, he might not have confidence in us if only three people show up," she said, and Hiccup could see she was doing her best not to lose her temper. Suddenly she grabbed his arm tightly and rapidly led him away from the others.

"Let's go, Hiccup. It's already getting late!" she said, letting go of his arm after a few steps. The others walked the other way, toward the castle, while Hiccup and Astrid followed the road to Dragon's Edge.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, Hiccup too lost in his memories to notice Astrid staring at him.

"You… You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but… why are you not welcome at the castle?" Astrid asked just as the houses and church tower of Dragon's Edge came into view, and Hiccup was pulled from his thoughts. Could he tell her? He knew she wouldn't be angry if he didn't, but… he wanted to, somehow. He didn't want the others to know, but if there was anyone he could trust with this story, it was Astrid. And if he told her, she might allow him to go visit someone in Dragon's Edge.

"I'll tell you as long as you don't tell the others," he demanded, taking a deep breath when she nodded.

Well, I, uh… I kind of killed the current lord's father," he said, before quickly looking down at his feet. "It's why I was banished from here," he muttered when she didn't respond.

"Oh… I see…" Astrid said, and he was surprised he had apparently shocked her. He had certainly shocked himself with his actions.

Then came the natural follow-up question. He wasn't sure if he dreaded the question or not. It was both terrifying and comforting to talk about it.

"May I ask why?"

He sighed deeply, looking up from his feet to see they were approaching the houses. Hiccup quickly put his hood on to avoid being recognized, and led the way to the church square in the center of the village.

"I lived here. In this village. I was a smith. Well, a smith's apprentice who had just been granted the status of master. I was about to open my own shop, I had build my own house and… The most beautiful girl in the world was going to live there with me," he slowly explained. His throat became thick as he remembered Camicazi, from the nearby village of Bog. He had loved her so much, her strength, her intelligence, her beauty.

"We were married right here. I thought that would be the happiest day of my life," he said as they stopped in the square, and he pointed at the church. He still remembered it like it was yesterday. The incredible happiness he had felt when the priest pronounced them husband and wife. The feast was right there in the square, and the entire village was celebrating with them. But there was an uninvited guest.

"We were just leaving the feast to… to go home and consummate our marriage when Lord Caldar rode into the square with an entourage of guards. Apparently he had heard of the wedding, and wanted to check it out. But… But when he saw Cami, he…" Hiccup shuddered when he remembered the lust that appeared in the lord's eyes when he saw Cami's blond hair and strong body.

"He said… He…" Hiccup couldn't continue talking, but then Astrid grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"You don't have to tell it if you don't want to, Hiccup," she said, her tone far more gentle than he was used to. It reassured him a little. So Hiccup took deep breaths to calm himself, trying to stop the pointless rage and pain from returning.

"I want to tell. I've never told anyone. And… You deserve to know," he said, before pointing at the castle's high towers faintly visible in the distance.

"Lord Caldar said that all lords had the right of… he called it 'Prima Nocta'. He said that because he is the lord of both Dragon's Edge and Bog, he owns all the people in it. Because of that, he… he had the right to… to have a maiden on her wedding night, because her… purity belonged to him as well," Hiccup said, trying to stop the bile from rising in his throat when he remembered the lord explaining it.

"I don't know if that's true. If he really had that right. But… he had men with weapons and armor, so I couldn't do anything to stop him. He rode for me and pulled her right out of my hands and threw her on the back of his horse like she was a sack of grain. She fought, but he hit her and she became still. Then he rode off, towards his castle." Hiccup said as he slowly walked towards the church steps and sat down, Astrid following close behind. He remembered doing the same thing after his wife was taken.

"I… I waited for her all night. It was supposed to be our wedding night, and… I don't know… I hoped she would be okay. I wouldn't care if she wasn't… pure anymore. I married her because she was strong and willful and smart, not because she was a maiden. I promised myself I would take care of her when she'd come back, and we'd be okay one day. We could forget what the lord had done." he continued talking while staring at his hands, unable to face Astrid. She remained silent, letting him tell his story.

"The following morning one of the lord's guards rode into town. Cami was slung across the horse. When he arrived at my house, he lifted her up and… threw her at me. And… And she was dead," he whispered, trying very hard not to let the tears fall. He had moved on from that, he had a different name now, a different family. It shouldn't matter anymore. But… It still did.

"She was covered in blood, and her skull was cracked. Her dress was torn and ripped, and it didn't even cover her… her private parts anymore. It… It was wrong. I was supposed to see those in our bedroom on our wedding night, not like that!" he exclaimed, feeling shame when Astrid flinched away a little. But he couldn't stop talking.

"The guard told me Caldar had… raped her. Again and again, and she had fought back each time. And… he had tried to make her… compliant, but he hit her too hard and… and she had died," he said, unable to stop the tears now. He bowed down a little, hoping the hood would mask the tears. Astrid put her arm around him and pulled him towards her a little. Again he felt surprise at her behavior. But above all he felt that twin sensation of excitement and shame at their close contact. He wasn't supposed to love Astrid, he had promised his heart to Cami. He couldn't betray her like this.

"So… That's why you killed him?" Astrid asked after about a minute where he slowly calmed down. He nodded.

"I was so… angry. I felt so empty and furious and disgusted and… All I wanted was to kill him for killing my wife. So… I prepared. I made my crossbow, the one I'm still using now," he said as he gestured at the weapon slung behind his back.

"I… I wanted him to suffer. So I made an arrowhead that would fragment and cause huge pain without actually killing him. Then… Then I covered the arrowhead in shit, and I bathed it in the blood of a cow who died from plague, and rubbed it in the skin of a leper. Then I planned the attack. Caldar hunted every week. He'd follow the same route, from his castle past the crossroads to the woods. I climbed the big tree there and waited for him to pass. Then… Then I shot him. I had practiced a lot, so I managed to hit him exactly where I wanted to. Right in his lower stomach, where I knew the shot wouldn't kill him. Not yet, at least," he said, disgust filling him again when he recalled the quest for vengeance.

"I shot him and managed to run from the guards. I don't think they were that eager to chase me, they didn't like him that much either. They carried him back inside, but Caldar's screams could be heard even outside his castle. It took six days for him to die, and I listened to all of it, hiding in a cave next to the walls. The arrow had the desired effect, and I heard later that he indeed get infections and illness, just like I planned," he said, still unable to look at Astrid. Was she disgusted? Proud? Shocked?

"But… it didn't give me the satisfaction I had hoped for. I still felt so empty. And then I wondered if Cami would have wanted this. She was feisty and passionate, and quick to anger, but… she never hurt without reason. She was clever, and I wished I could talk to her. But she was gone, and… I was lost," he said, not sure why he was telling Astrid all of this. Surely she didn't want to know it. But… it felt good to let it out, and Astrid wasn't complaining.

"You know, Hiccup. If you hadn't killed him, I would go to that castle right now and lob his head off. You did the right thing," Astrid said, and he finally looked up at her, surprised at the… power he saw in her face. She was so much like Cami, and yet so different at the same time. It scared and comforted him.

"Thanks, Astrid," he said, trying to force a smile, before shaking his head again. "I don't think I did the right thing, though. I didn't have to make him suffer so much. I could have just shot him through the heart and killed him instantly. All I did was… torture him. And for what? It didn't bring Cami back," he whispered.

"Maybe… But what's done is done. I suppose this is why you joined us?" Astrid asked, and he nodded.

"I returned to the village at night, after Lord Caldar was dead. I found Gobber, the master smith, and… I told him I couldn't stay here in Dragon's Edge. Caldar's son would be here soon, and he would probably hunt me down," Hiccup explained, not mentioning the other reason he had left. He had found that everything in the village suddenly reminded him of Cami. The church where they married, the graveyard where she was buried, the market where she bought food, the field where she exercised. He couldn't look at them without pain in his heart. He still couldn't.

"Gobber was a mercenary in his youth, until he lost two limbs in battle. But he told me of you guys, of the Hooligan mercenary company. So… I went to find you, and you know the rest," he finished, looking up again at Astrid. She looked at him with a soft expression.

"I'm sorry that happened to you, Hiccup. But… I'm glad you joined us. Do you want to leave and wait in the forest? I could get the supplies myself," she asked, and he shook his head.

"No, I… If it's okay with you, I'd like to visit Cami's grave, though. I… I didn't get the chance to say goodbye before I left. Before she left," he said as he gestured at the nearby graveyard, and she nodded.

"Sure. We've got time, I think the caravan doesn't leave until sundown," Astrid said as she stood up and pulled him to his feet. He smiled, before feeling guilty again. He shouldn't feel affection for Astrid on the steps of the church where he married Cami. He couldn't let Astrid erase those memories.

They walked through the graveyard in silence, and soon they reached a small stone in the corner. 'Camicazi of Bog', the stone said. Hiccup hadn't been able to read it when he buried her, he had to trust the priest to inscribe the name correctly. Fishlegs had taught him how to read and write, and he was glad to see her name was spelled right.

He could feel Astrid's eyes on him, and he wished he could talk to Cami about her. He wondered if Cami was angry about him falling in love again.

"Thanks for coming with me, Astrid. Could you… I would like to be alone for a bit. I'd like to… talk to her," he said, hoping she wouldn't be angry. She just rubbed his shoulder before walking away slowly.

"Of course. I'll get the supplies, and then I'll come back here, okay?" she whispered, and he nodded. He sighed deeply after she left, trying to collect his thoughts.

"Hello Cami. I… I don't know if you can hear me, but… I hope you can. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye before I left. I'm sorry I was too angry to visit your grave. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you," he eventually told the stone before him.

"Lord Caldar is dead. I killed him for what he did to you. He… He suffered. I made sure of that. But I'm not so sure if it was the right thing to do. I hope it helped you find peace, though."

"I… I probably won't be able to visit you often. I'm just passing through. I'm with a mercenary group now. They're a little weird, but nice. There's… There's a girl there, Astrid. I think you would have liked her if you could have met her. You two are both strong and smart and confident and…" he said, hating himself for confessing all this.

"I… I like her a lot. And I don't know what to do about it. I tried to stay true to you. When I left I promised that I wouldn't let myself love again. You would be the only one for me. But… Astrid, she… she makes me happy. I don't feel so empty when she is with me. It's like… she's replacing you, but I don't want to replace you. It feels like I'm betraying you. You're my wife, even if we didn't get to consummate." he said, desperately hoping for a response that never came. All he heard was the wind blowing through the trees.

A tear fell on the grave. More tears quickly followed.

"I'm sorry for everything. I promise that Astrid will never replace you. I'll always remember you. I love you more than I've got words for," he slowly said, taking deep breaths until the tears stopped falling.

Suddenly Hiccup was pulled from the tranquil world when he heard uneven footsteps behind him. He recognized those alternating steps and clunks.

"Hello, Gobber," he said without turning around.

"Hello, kid. Though I suppose you're not really a kid anymore, are you? What brings you back?" the blacksmith asked, and Hiccup tried to focus on the here and now.

"The lord, Caldar's son, hired us to escort a caravan. And… while we're here, I wanted to visit Cami," he said, gesturing at the stone, before realizing something.

"How did _you_ know I was here?" Hiccup asked as he glanced around, nervous that he might be getting arrested.

"One of your companions just visited my shop. She bought some arrows, including crossbow bolts. I happen to know someone who joined the Hooligans and wields a crossbow, and I figured he might be here. It seems I was right," Gobber said with a smile, and Hiccup tried to smile as well.

"That was Astrid. She's my best friend now," he said, before guilt crept up on him again. Here he was, standing on Cami's grave, and he was admiring Astrid!

"She seemed strong and kind. A good catch!" Gobber exclaimed as he punched Hiccup's shoulder, and he shook his head.

"It's not like that! It's… I don't want to catch her," he said, walking away from the stone. He couldn't have this discussion on Cami's grave.

"What, you don't like her? She seems your type. She's a bit like Cami, isn't she?" Gobber asked, and Hiccup forced himself not to lash out.

"That's the problem. She's too much like Cami. I don't want to replace Cami," he slowly said as he walked past the church to the square, Gobber following close behind.

"What, you're going to mourn Cami forever? Henrik, there's an amazing girl right there, don't let her get away! Cami is dead and gone, and you have to move on! Finding someone new doesn't mean you have to erase the old memories. She won't disappear just because you met someone similar!" Gobber said angrily, and Hiccup stopped walking, trying to process it.

"I promised Cami that I would love her and stay true to her," he said, taking deep breaths.

"Those vows were just until death, kid. She's dead. And… Just because you love someone else, doesn't mean you can't love her at the same time!" the blacksmith said in his usual blunt tone, and Hiccup resisted the urge to punch him.

"I don't know… It feels like Cami's death left a hole in me that Astrid is now filling, and… it feels wrong and right and… I just don't know, Gobber," he eventually said.

"Look, kid. When you joined the Hooligans, you changed your name and started a new life. That's what it's about. A chance to start over. Don't let the dead stop you from living that new life. Fine, when you come here you can be Henrik and mourn Cami's death all you want, but when you leave you'll be whatever new name you took, and you should fill your life with someone who makes you happy. I'm sure that's what Cami would have wanted as well," Gobber said loudly, and Hiccup wondered if he was right. Was there enough room in his heart for the both of them? Could he really split his old and new lives like that?

Maybe he could try.

"I'll think about it, Gobber. Now… I'd just like to say goodbye to Cami before I find Astrid," he said, hoping to get out of this conversation quickly. He had to think. Gobber seemed to get the hint, and moved away. Hiccup took two steps before turning around.

"Gobber? Thanks. For coming to find me," he said, before turning back to the grave again, waving back when Gobber said goodbye. When he was at Cami's grave again, he took a deep breath.

"I… I suppose this is goodbye for now. I'll try to visit again as soon as possible. I'll never forget you, Cami," he told the stone, freezing when he heard footsteps behind him again. He recognized these as well.

"Ready to go?" Astrid asked, and he nodded. He wondered how much she had heard.

"You go ahead, back to the crossroads. I just have one more thing I have to do here," she said, and he mumbled a thanks before leaving the graveyard.

Astrid waited until Hiccup was out of sight before turning to the gravestone.

"Hello, Camicazi. I'm Astrid. Hiccup told me what happened to you. I'm sorry that happened, and I'm sure Hiccup is sorry too. He misses you a lot. I can see that. He seems a little lost without you," she said, not sure why she was talking to the grave of someone she didn't even know.

"I just wanted to ask you something. Hiccup means a lot to me, and you were very lucky he wanted to be your husband. So… I wanted to ask if it is okay if I keep him safe for you. I'll make sure he'll be able to return here, so he can talk to you again. I'll keep an eye on him, and make sure he doesn't forget to live. Is that okay? If I try to make him a little happier?" she asked, not really expecting an answer.

But then a sharp gust of wind ran through the field, and suddenly blue flowers from a nearby bush were raining down on her and the grave. Astrid wondered if it was a sign. An answer. And if so, what the answer was. The flowers did look friendly, not the sign Astrid expected an angry Camicazi to send. So she smiled and said goodbye to the gravestone, before running out of the village, catching up with Hiccup just before the big tree.

"Ready to complete another assignment? You better not nearly die like last time!" she asked when they saw the other mercenaries approach from the other path.

Hiccup smiled and blushed.

"With you looking out for me, I should be okay," he said, leaving Dragon's Edge behind again. But as Astrid punched his arm playfully, he felt a little lighter, and somehow he knew that he could do it. He could love Astrid and remember Cami at the same time. He might be leaving Dragon's Edge, but he didn't have to leave his memories behind. And there was enough room in his heart for old memories and new adventures.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, and I hope you liked it!**

 **I am wondering something. I'm considering writing more in this mercenary!Hiccup AU. I could write an alternative ending to Devil, and make it so Hiccup convinces Astrid and the others to spare Toothless, and we could have the adventures of the Hooligan mercenary company and their dragon companion. Would anyone be interested in reading that, or in a mercenary!Hiccup AU in general?**


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